Tactical Fly Elimination Directory

Newspaper Swat - How to use this strategy?

Welcome to the art of newspaper swatting, where yesterday's news becomes today's weapon of fly destruction. This method is perfect for the eco-warrior who believes in reducing, reusing, and swatting flies into oblivion.

First, select your newspaper. The thicker the better - we're going for durability here. Roll it up tightly, securing it with a rubber band if you're feeling fancy. Congratulations, you've just crafted a lethal weapon from recyclable materials!

Now, channel your inner samurai. Hold your newspaper sword with a firm grip, but keep your wrist loose for maximum swatting speed. Remember, you're not trying to demolish furniture here - finesse is key.

Approach your target fly with the stealth of a ninja. When you're within range, strike swiftly and decisively. Aim for where the fly will be, not where it is - they have a nasty habit of taking off backwards when startled.

The satisfying *THWACK* of newspaper meeting fly is your reward. But don't celebrate too soon! Always double-check for sneaky survivors playing dead. A follow-up swat may be necessary for particularly resilient pests.

Pro tip: After a successful hunt, unfurl your newspaper and scan the obituaries. Who knows, you might just find your vanquished foe's name listed among the dearly departed!

Remember, practice makes perfect. Soon you'll be swatting flies with the precision of a marksman and the flair of a matador. Just be prepared for strange looks from houseguests as you lurk in corners, newspaper at the ready, muttering "Here, fly fly fly..."